We love getting jpegs for DOs & DON'Ts but most of you are sending things that are barely big enough for a postage stamp. We can't do shit with a 150k little thumbnail you took with your cell phone. The attachment should be somewhere between 500k and a megabyte and it should be done with a camera that's at least 3 megapixels.
This is neither a DO nor a DON'T.
Then there's the actual content of the photo.
Though many refer to the column as "stupid captions under weird photos" the general point is still supposed to have at least something to do with fashion. Did they put together an outfit that they want to be good? Are they trying at least a little bit? Okay then send it in. Don't send it if they're making fun of fashion or they could give two shits about what they have on or they're 85 years old. One of the most popular DON'Ts we ever did was when we said to a four-year old, "Nice purple track pants you fat bitch." The point of that was to kind of make fun of the person who submitted it like, "What do you want us to say about a fucking toddler?"
Here are some more general guidelines. We tend to break the rules listed here from time to time but as Grandpa used to say, "Do as I say not as I do."
DON'T send us HOMELESS PEOPLE
Sometimes we can't resist if it's a really funny pic but for the most part, mentally ill alcoholics aren't really in the market for critique. It's not considered "out" this season to be dying of self-abuse and have a huge dirty cut on your forehead.
DON'T send us COSTUMES
Ideally punk, goth, rave etc is a parody of fashion. If someone fucks up one of that particular subculture's rules we could work with it or if someone who shouldn't be participating in the look has decided to get involved anyway we could work with that too but wooly dreads and skull boots are essentially a costume and getting into the pros and cons of that outfit is like analyzing Halloween.
DON'T send us YOUR DRUNK FRIENDS
or your girlfriend. We know you find them interesting but we just see a guy in a bra screaming "Yeaaaah." So what?
In a perfect, DOs-&-DON'Ts-reading, world some girl in small town Wisconsin would get a laugh at the comment AND discover, "Oh, people are wearing Wallabes with no socks this summer, interesting." Try to have fashion at least somewhere in the equation.
DO send us MALE DOs AND FEMALE DON'Ts
Truth is we are DROWNING in female DOs and male DON'Ts. Have you ever seen them naked? It looks like God decided long ago women were going to be the attractive ones. Clothing rarely changes things. That means we have to balance it out a bit with some girls in Birkenstocks and some Cassavetes guys.
DO send us FULL BODIES
It's really hard to do this in crowded bars but we want to see the hair AND the shoes. That means you stand way back, turn the camera sideways and get one inch above the head and one inch below the shoes.
DO get shots WHERE PEOPLE CARE
Though Saturday and Sunday are good, daytime hunting is usually pretty bad. On Tuesday afternoon people are hungover or it's their day off and they're doing laundry. You need to go to parties and bars where people are doing things that are fun and trying to get laid.
One exception to this rule is the subway on Friday evening from 6 to 8PM. People usually zane it up at work on the last day of the week and you'd be surprised how many ambitious looks you see coming out the tube.
DO include DETAILS
It helps to include locations and what the circumstances of the photo are. Reader Rya Backer just submitted this picture and took the time to mention, "The guy in the black tank top is blurry, but he was this offensive slab of California trash. His hair was frosted and he had those sunglasses that looked like lab goggles. I was quite intrigued by the tattoo on his right shoulder - an outline of the state of California. There's another picture of him from the waist down, because he had something written on his ass. I can't read what it says, but it's probably really edgy."
Please send your submissions to vice@viceland.com
shaddap
Posted by: dapwell | 05/08/2006 at 05:23
Is it ok to submit poo poo?
Posted by: Ben | 05/08/2006 at 17:02
Good advice.
Posted by: Dorian | 06/08/2006 at 02:04
Hello my name is Dorian, and I DO kiss ass. And I DON'T feel particularily bad about it.
Posted by: sittle | 07/08/2006 at 03:26
don't bother
Posted by: | 08/08/2006 at 16:55
I was that girl from a small town in wisconsin. Yay.
Posted by: | 08/08/2006 at 17:37
hey pussies, would a picture of a shart be considered a don't? get it? hahahahahaha myspace rocks
Posted by: Hey Pussy | 08/09/2006 at 16:23
y'all have introduced upon yourselves an entire hard-drive of crappy photos. good luck a-shifting...
Posted by: ct | 14/09/2006 at 04:24
If I were that fuck Terry Richardson, you'd post a photo of my own fecal waste on the front of the sight! FUCKERS!
Posted by: Terry | 15/09/2006 at 02:08
http://i31.photobucket.com/albums/c367/spacemanpirate/IMG_6404.jpg
this chick is your run-of-the-mill latina rockabilly type, a real throwback from the 50's. This look usually goes well with chicks like this, if it weren't for the torn jeans and misfits patch on her ass.
http://i31.photobucket.com/albums/c367/spacemanpirate/IMG_6406.jpg
These kids were young, probably like high school freshman or something. It's great to see kids, they think they're all cool and tough, untill they graduate. Then they look back and realize how lame they were back when they were still going through puberty.
http://i31.photobucket.com/albums/c367/spacemanpirate/Picture022.jpg
You know this guy's an asshole right when you firs set eyes on him. The old wrestling shirt, flip-flops with socks, even the way he sits. He obviouly dosen't care for looks.
Thanks,
The Spaceman Pirate
Posted by: the spaceman pirate | 28/09/2006 at 10:13
roomates buddy ended a 3 day bender by taking "pills" from a stranger at the bar. shit himself in my kitchen and i took pic's on my way out the door to work. he got up, cleaned what he could, and blamed what he couldn't on the neighbours cat as i had left the front door open so passer by's could have a laugh and also for the smell. he's unflappable.
Posted by: dont worry bout'it | 30/09/2006 at 18:53
tattoo's are for fags
Posted by: dont worry bout'it | 30/09/2006 at 18:59
Victoria, BC, Canada is the babyboomer colonial asshole centre of the universe. Our population is actually 7 years older than the Canadian national average. We are the retirement capital, sometimes nicknamed for the "newly wed and nearly dead." So when we go out to the fake English drinking holes, we like to cause a stirrrr.
Posted by: Chris Rothery | 12/10/2006 at 23:40
are handy-pics ok?
Posted by: Alex | 24/12/2006 at 02:29
"When and if ever. Aliens do decide to land on this planet. I hope they all come ridding Rocket propelled 12 speed bikes, proclaiming "Coffee is our fuel we need your recourses." Hopefully by then we'll have drinkin all the coffee in the world and be forced into taking Energy drink enemas..."
Posted by: Johnny Wannas | 29/12/2006 at 01:56
"When and if ever. Aliens do decide to land on this planet. I hope they all come ridding Rocket propelled 12 speed bikes, proclaiming "Coffee is our fuel we need your recourses." Hopefully by then we'll have drinkin all the coffee in the world and be forced into taking Energy drink enemas..."
Posted by: Johnny Wannas | 29/12/2006 at 01:58
Best tattoo in history.
Posted by: MOT! | 24/02/2007 at 08:03
You guys'll think of something. What can i say about this outside of "please tell me u aint gotten this pic somehow b4!"
Posted by: Doris | 10/03/2007 at 08:07
These kids were on Brendan Fowlers blog recently, he said they were like the cutest kids ever and I agree. Dos for sure!
http://www.rvcaanp.com/blog/uploaded_images/cutekids-797724.jpg
Posted by: Hey | 03/05/2007 at 20:58
check out the link!
http://viewmorepics.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=viewImage&friendID=31590324&albumID=0&imageID=1436772
"me and mom"
Hilarious.
Posted by: ModernDayMonster | 08/05/2007 at 06:26
wow look at that face! This is my brother and friends from Bellingham. What I notice that makes this great is how everyone is trying to look so perfect and then theres my brother. He is the only one dressed for that weather too. Its really snowy and cold there. Also they all work at ambercrombie and fitch yet he dosnt seem like it. Its just great.
Posted by: mouse | 29/05/2007 at 07:37
I know the instructions say not to send in homeless people, but this one isn't haha
Posted by: debthepoop | 05/07/2007 at 11:52
best wife ever!
Posted by: David Wehr | 09/07/2007 at 10:49
Posted by: David Wehr | 09/07/2007 at 10:49
these guys threw a "pink" theme party and asked me to DJ. party took a while to get going. it took a while to get the dancefloor going. as the party started to get fun, and the dancefloor started filling with hot chicks loving it, these fags (hosts) asked me to turn off the music and get everyone outside. i asked why, as it was bumping, they said it was a surprise. the surprise was these two faggots showing up 10 mins after everyone assembles outside to find out what this surprise was...
well, it was these two homos riding up to the house dressed this way with pink fag bikes. what a couple of vibe-killing homos. needless to say, everyone left after that.
Posted by: Thom Banks | 11/07/2007 at 03:31