London - BNP Solutions

Look at these geniuses from the British National Party. The future of young, white Britain rests on their shoulders.

Their reaction to today's terrorist threat is to "ban immediately ALL MUSLIMS" flying in and out of Britain until "the security situation has been fully resolved." They go on to say: "During recent international football compeitions, a similar ban on English football hooligans was carried out ... If white working class men can be treated in this fashion it must be possible to apply a similar ban to Muslims."

We thought about this message for about .56 seconds and thought: "Hang on..."

1. English football hooligans are not all white and working class. Thanks to the 1,987,654.5 books published by hooligans in the last five years, everybody including my mum knows this.

2. A similar ban on English football hooligans WASN'T carried out. If it was, why was there so much trouble in Germany?

3. HOW is it possible to apply a similar ban to Muslims? Do we approach brown people and test with them with questions from the Qu'aran? What if they cheat?

4. "Until the security situation has been full resolved"? At this rate, that could take about 1,500 years, or at least until North Korea gets more involved and fires the first nuclear weapon into Washington D.C.?

5. When that happens there wouldn't be anybody alive to fly the planes anyway.

Answers on the messageboard please.

Comments

Look at that hunk on the end with the glasses!!!!

[colin the bored consultant]

i was working in my uni kitchens last summer during the 7/7 bombings in london, had the radio playing and all the news happening. had a delightful converstion with one of the women working there:

her: "should send 'em all back."
me: "send who exactly?"
her: "all the terrorists."
me: "how are you supposed to figure out who's who?"
her: "fine, just send back all the foriegners and immigrants."
me: "wait, i'm a foriegner and an immigrant!"
her: "yes, but you aren't brown."

hmmm i could also never figure out how all the muslims are supposed to be sent back/kicked out... my mum's malaysian (largely a muslim country) but she's part chinese.. but if i use my malaysian passport would that identify me as being muslim?

ahhh fuck it, i don't care. i'm just pissed off because i'm off to LA in 2 weeks and now it seems i can't take my iPod onboard, which is more or less why i bought the damn thing in the first place.

[Dougums]

They should replace the word muslim with brown people. That would have made there point clearer.

What do the extremists hope to achieve by doing this? All it is going to do is create hatred for there own community.

I'd just like to say well done to the Police for stopping this attack before it happened. They take a lot of stick and I think at times like these when they prevent death they should be applauded

indeed a similar ban was not imposed on football holligans,
only known trouble makers and people with past convictions were prevented from travelling or monitored. they did not ban all "white working class men".
I assume the authorities are already monitoring suspected terrorists and if they say decide to get on a plane they'll be at very least much more stringently security checked.

[james]

i think they're hoping to kill people. and the more hatred of their own community they sow, the closer they are to an "islam vs. rest of world" situation in which muslims are forced to chose sides, which is exactly what they want. it's a "your either with us or against us" plot aimed at the muslim world. i suppose the final goal is a global caliphate? correct me if i'm wrong.

[soaps]

congrats to the police force on a job well done (almost makes up for the brazilian)

Also football hooligans probably didnt get to go to Germany because they got caught beating each other up and scaring landlords shitless.

Whereas your average muslim prays on fridays in the hope of a more righteous fulfilling existance.

I'd rather fly emirates than british in this case.

However possible muslims(?) should be monitered slightly closer. Its only fair...

[Bill Bulford]

the only "bans" ever put on soccer hooligans consisted of preventing the official team fanclubs of certain clubs from buying tickets for group trips. they just have to organize the trips themselves to get around it. big whup.

[vs.]

the muslim extremists want full on nightmare savagery to erupt between islam and the west, and they will keep prodding us until they get it.

it sucks.

[Menstruel]

Hey guys, we're talking here about *national* party. That's what they repeat all day long: ban foreigners (i.e: non-white looking people) and everyday will be champagne at the factory.
I'm just afraid people listen to them and begin to think that it could be a solution. In France, where I live, our national party is now accusing right wing current minister Nicolas Sarkozy to steal their ideas. And that's true. France gets rid of the "unuseful" paperless foreigners. Even 15 years-old boys and girls born and raised in France, going "back" to a country they never seen.
Please, forget the "good" against "evil", just think about how we got there. Why people bomb themselves to kill innocents. And don't tell me about virgins in heaven or faith. It's all about poverty and humiliation.
Love you for talking about politics (and Do's and Don'ts).
When will you put a French edition???

the guys banner says KEEP MUSLIMS OUT OF OUR CHRISTIAN CHURCH.

isn't that the funniest thing you've ever read in your life ever apart from the actual bible?

[free tibet]

why haven't the tibetans, living in 'poverty and humiliation' as they do, sought to blow themselves up on beijing busses, on chinese planes? how about native indians in guatemala? or black south africans? or the billions of other poor and humiliated people? curious how its just one group that is so eager to die and murder ordinary folks.

most of the people commiting and plotting these acts are wealthy and educated in the west. the 22 yr old london bomber drove a fucking mercedes. how humiliating is that? bin ladens dad is a billionare. mohammed atta studied economics in london. poverty and humiliation have nothing to do with it!

certainly, the govt should look at limiting the number of visas granted to young muslim males (sorry, dudes, you fucked up), but the problem is there are plenty of willing british bad guys, as the 7/7 bombings attest.

[Dougums]

Vice needs to introduce an actual message board where we can discuss these things in greater detail

those guys look like awesome dudes who like to kick back and party on

[will]

i still have trouble coming to terms with the fact i live in a country where an organisation like the BNP can attain support for thier means. how many seats did they win in the last election? it was a record number for them, which terrifies me.
the police do a good job and are not in a enviable position, but it must be said, the "powers that be" do seem to be flexing their control muscles a lot and situations such as todays air flight scare do seem to pay off as a handy 'problem-reaction-solution' tool for them. anyone remember why hitler burnt down the reichstag?
in the words of hunter s thompson, "coming of age in a fascist police state is not going to be a barrell of laughs for anyone"

[Eric]

Actually the District B13 ad playing right above this post hints at one possible solution.

[snib]

just keep thick people out of the entire world. please.

all those men are thick, you can tell. you can tell by their shoes, their necks, their facial features. half of those blokes surely aren't even human.

the bnp just recruit thick people, mostly disableds, disabled purely by the nature of their brains. and that is why they won seats at the election, because there are so many effing thickos in this country.

go on T.B, shoot them all.

[Me]

Wouldn't it be easier to just kick the BNP out?

[bob hardly]

what about if everybody who isnt a terrorist leaves, this will allow us all to live in sunnier countries for a while and at the same time just leave terrorists who can then be identified. It may confuse a few old skool Irish peeps but thats ok we don't count you anymore you crazy guiness drinking little leprecauns (cant u put a spell check on this thing). I think i've cracked it, this is way forward, we should probably leave on boats though, apparently there are terrorists on the planes or some shit some of them have got i pods and are brown according to helpfull BNP types - am i missing key facts or have i got it down

Anyone else thinking both parties should just have a MASSIVE game of British Bulldog?

BNP will like it becuase it'll make them feel like they are imposing British ideals on a religious minority, and Brititsh Muslims will like it because they'll out number the BNP team and win and have Jelly and Ice cream or whatever they eat.

[mookar]

These chaps aren't exactly poster-boys for the superiority of the 'white race'. In fact it looks as if someone's rounded up the inmates of my local special needs centre and dumped them on the street with a nonsensical placard and Harold of 'Neighbours' fame; he adds a dash of élan to an otherwise depressingly vivid portrait of contemporary British working class man.

[i love to live in this country]

sexy bnp poster boy's, i believe em now!

[great googly moogly]

The third guy in from the left looks like a torpedo. (Am I right or am I right?)

[Mooks]

They're not BNP members at all, you blithering baboons. In fact the sign is an obvious mispelling (due to the somewhat cramped mental capacity of the writers), and should actually read 'keep Iceland out of our Church'. Quite right I say. Waitrose or even Sainsbury's would be preferable.

[Enoch Powell]

i wanna have a massive ruck with the bnp, foxhunters and anti animal testing fuckers, and just smack the shit out of em all, like in a 21 st century battle of bannockburn and slaughter the shit out of em with proper swords and stuff. Either that or clock em in my local and start launching stella pots at their heads. They're all self-righteous twats with their heads stuck up their arses and do this country more harm than any bunch of mardy muslims, so who's for some scalpings???

[dapwell]

i would definitely rock out with the GHOST in the back