Not Fit To Print - Don't Stalker
When we were making the Dos and Don'ts dolls, our industry liaisons warned us that the intentions behind Becky, our female Don't, might not shine through so clearly with the Tomb Raider-and-Vampirella set. We were a little skeptical that anyone could be so completely tit-blind as to miss the bleach-fried hair and ill-founded enthusiasm for mainstream rap, but leave it to the internet to prove us extremely wrong. One of the guys at Gimix Toys (the company who makes them) decided it'd be a lark to give each of the figs their own myspace page, and was rewarded for his effort by being made the receiving end of the most oblivious cyber-stalking we have ever witnessed. It'd be one thing if this was just another case of unrequited man-doll affection, but check the second email (please note these are all from the same guy, over the space of a couple weeks), have a quick glance at Becky's page, and try to conceive of a horniness so deep and pervasive it would drive a 29-year-old man to lay out his innermost feelings in the emails below without questioning why someone would name themselves Beckydon'tdoll and include an ad in which they, as a toy, were available for sale. Oh, internet. (This is where most gossip blogs or whatever would put in some line like, "And you thought romance was dead..." then a smiley.):
Email #1. "Hey I like your profile. Very interesting. I would love to talk to you and get to know you. If you're interested get back to me. thanks."
2. "Watsup. How are you? We should really talk some time. If you look like that girl in the picture than you are definitely my type."
3. "How tall are you? Height/weight measurements if you don't mind me asking."
4. "I need a girl that's horny with big tits to suck on. A girl that likes sucking dick."
5. "I've got a 6- to 8-inch very thick dick and I need a woman that can handle me. I'm very horny for a woman like you that has monster boobs and dick-sucking lips and is ready to tear me apart."
6. "Can you send me real pics? I wanna see pics of your face, of your boobs, and of your ass. And do you swallow?"
7. "Let's keep in touch. I friend-requested you. But definitely get back to me =) Peace."
8. "I love titfucking. Thats one reason i love big DD cups. I love being in a hot tub with a girl. I've never experienced that. And I would love to go skinnydipping together. I love to have her strip me nude in the pool and give me a blowjob and get really, really very freaky on me."
9. "I also love going with a girl in the shower and rubbing me down and rubbing each other down. I really love getting my dick sucked too. I need some really good head. I've never experienced a girl swallowing me before with me orgasming with her lips around my dick. But that wouldn't matter to me if she was uncomfortable."
10. "One of my fantasies is I like a girl sitting on top of me riding me. And I like a girl on top of me riding her rubbing her DD cups in my face and letting me rub and suck on them. I would also love a girl to sit on top of me backwards and ride me and have my hands around her tits squeezing and rubbing her tits."
11. "Anyway, you are pretty sexy and make me pretty horny. But if we don't meet I promise I'm saying a prayer that you meet someone better and more studlier than I. I ll put in good thoughts for you."
12. "Hey, watsup sexy."
13. "Do you have a webcam? And would you mind if I had my hands around those tits of yours?"
14. "-Hey. Keep in touch... I really want to talk to you. You make me so horny."
15. "OK, this is how it is. I come over and you come and squeeze me and grab my ass and my dick. And you start running your hand up my shirt and pull down my pants and suck my dick so intensely and go wild and freaky on me. And then you get on me and sit on my face and let me lick you till you cum. Then i suck on your titties and play with your titties with you rubbing all over me your tits in my face. then let me stick my dick in between them and let me get titfucked till i nut all over them. Then we get in the shower and soap each other down."
16. "Hey do you have a round booty or what kind of booty? It doesnt matter. I just like big boobs. As long as you'll let me suck on your tits I'm happy."
Are these Emails all from the same person? If so, it's that much funnier.
Posted by: tim | 07/09/2006 at 20:39
"I love being in a hot tub with a girl. I've never experienced that."
Posted by: fsdfsfs | 07/09/2006 at 22:09
If you guys are serious or if dude is serious then you guys should set up a dinner date for dude and Becky. That'd be pretty sweet. Dude shows up thinking he's all the shit and then... well you see where i'm going with this. Have a hidden camera to record his reactions blah blah blah. Post it on the web. YouTube some shite like that.
Posted by: clamy, chuncky and wet | 07/09/2006 at 22:11
the best one is easily "do you have a webcam? and would you mind if i had my hands around those tits of yours?" reel them in with a fairly innocent first question, then get the fuck down to business.
Posted by: i'm just so confused | 07/09/2006 at 22:15
the Dos and Don'ts Dolls are flawed fromt he beginning.
because in the real world every Do guy wants the Don't girl. and maybe some Do girls even want the Don't guy.
Posted by: ah yes, but | 08/09/2006 at 00:06
I wonder if he has also visited Barbies webpage!?!
Posted by: Krista | 08/09/2006 at 00:52
we are living in the motherfucking end of times.
i wouldnt be surprised if god sends a motherfucking flood because of this dude.
Posted by: d | 08/09/2006 at 01:06
listen it seemed like a good idea at the time
Posted by: hey | 08/09/2006 at 03:09
this is clearly a hoax from one of the vice staff
Posted by: pchaw | 08/09/2006 at 04:12
Wow. Just fucking wow.
That is so awesome.
Posted by: Cuzz | 08/09/2006 at 04:33
Should've asked for his picture.
Posted by: My Dink is Pink | 08/09/2006 at 05:20
This is definately some kind of awesome joke
Posted by: Gregory Allerton | 08/09/2006 at 06:20
I wish it was an awesome joke but it's not...IT'S REAL...I wish that it was a joke sort of b/c it gets worse...jc
Posted by: Jonathan Cathey | 08/09/2006 at 06:45
11. "Anyway, you are pretty sexy and make me pretty horny. But if we don't meet I promise I'm saying a prayer that you meet someone better and more studlier than I. I ll put in good thoughts for you."
-so he totally needs to suck her tits and yet loves her at the same time... Even hollywood doesn't make films this stupid...-
Posted by: gesucht | 08/09/2006 at 09:53
Don't pussy out now! Give up the link to this losers profile.
Posted by: Vice are pussies | 08/09/2006 at 10:51
Yeah, but what were the vice staff saying BACK? I don't know but it sounds like some of this stuff might kind of been elicited.
Posted by: 10172789 | 08/09/2006 at 11:01
MySpace is the biggest DON'T of all...
Posted by: Menace | 08/09/2006 at 12:47
Well there are only three guys that are 29 in beckys friend list and one is set to private profiles so...not had to figure out.
Posted by: James | 08/09/2006 at 16:42
Ahaaa ha ha, James! Stalking the doll-stalker!
(Who watches the watchmen? Woo!)
Well, I totally stared at Ken's anatomically-incorrect pantslump
when I played wit me Barbie dolls as a kid, so I can see why
this wierdo horndog is letting his lonely self run with it.
Dolls are hot,
o.h.
Posted by: oldie hawn | 08/09/2006 at 19:18
pretty sure it's nate sherwood.
Posted by: myspace | 08/09/2006 at 22:34
I can't tell the difference between the doll and all of the girls on becky's friends list who are basically the same type of EXTREMELY boring, white, vacuous, no-horizons 'hot import nights' tit-merchants (don't call them models) out there who all network together like naked lemmings on Myspace...
Posted by: Fry Guy | 09/09/2006 at 01:54
Believe it or not...I'm the only one monitoring this MySpace profile...the ONLY thing that was said was "Hello to you too!"...no kidding...and then it got worse...most of the e-mails started to come late at night...if hello is provocation then we're all screwed...and the fact that it says "DOLL" everywhere on her profile...I can't give up the dude's URL...I've shown a few people his URL and he looks like what you think he would to a certain degree...serial killer for sure. PS I have a NEW guy asking for more pics of Becky and that he's intrigued by her...still not kidding...Baby Balls was stuffed up a girl's butt...there's definitely some weirdness between these toys and peoples' amorous feelings...
Posted by: Jonathan Cathey | 09/09/2006 at 02:08
Please send me see this freaks profile. I have to put a face on this.
You should make these emails a "blog" entry in Becky's profile.
Posted by: Dorian | 09/09/2006 at 21:22
Please send me see this freaks profile. I have to put a face on this.
You should make these emails a "blog" entry in Becky's profile.
Posted by: Dorian | 09/09/2006 at 21:22
GIVE US HIS MYSPACE!
This guy has way too much cybersex.
Posted by: Dr.E | 10/09/2006 at 21:54