INTERVIEW WITH PEREZ HILTON
Meet our new intern Dragan Sasic. He's Serbian, so in Croatian it sounds like his name is Dragon Sausage. His family moved from Croatia over a decade ago because they got tired of living in a war zone and like a lot of European kids, he learned English from watching MTV. Now he’s an intern at Vice’s Toronto office. We heard celebrity gossip guy Perez Hilton was in town doing some promo and that he was supposed to show up at some club, so we told Dragan to go and ask him a few questions. Oh, and we asked him to dress up like girl because, well, because we could. This is what happened...
Perez Hilton owns and writes perezhilton.com, the most popular celebrity gossip website in the world. He gets millions and millions of hits every month, which means he got rich by shit talking famous people. I’m the new intern so VICE decided I should interview him in drag. My friend Jaime did my hair and makeup but I still looked like an un-passable tranny. I didn’t shave my beard and wore my own sneakers because there weren’t any size 13 women’s shoes at the Salvation Army. I’m no homophobe and I’ll do anything for a laugh, but as the time approached I got anxious while I was practicing my questions in an old dress and getting drunk at home. Perez was laid back, which let me relax a little, although I was still nervous since this was my first interview assignment and the first time I dressed in women’s clothes and makeup. I was the only person in drag at the club but the night went smoothly. I was happy as long as I nailed the interview and didn’t get my ass kicked. VICE: So, Perez, you’re in Canada speaking at different universities. What is it exactly that you’re speaking about? Perez: I speak a lot about celebrities like I do on my website ‘cuz that’s what people love to hear. You know, I talk and the people get to ask questions and that’s what they want to know. They want to know about stars and what’s going on. VICE: Do you think that our obsession, as a culture, with celebrities is because we’re boring or because they’re actually, genuinely interesting? Perez: I would say neither. I think people are interested in celebrities because it’s easy, disposable entertainment and it’s fun escapism. VICE: I can understand that. It’s something we’re not a part of but can delve into and come out unharmed. Perez: We can pretend that we’re a part of it. VICE: Do you consider yourself a celebrity? Perez: No, I’m a celebretard if anything. VICE: A celebretard? Perez: Yeah, I get to sometimes enjoy the perks of a celebrity but I’m not one. I have people criticizing me every day—even on my own website—so when you have people that are constantly bringing you down, it’s not that hard to stay grounded. VICE: Nobody gets 100% positive reviews. Perez: Yeah, I don’t really care either way. VICE: Right. Do you play favorites when it comes to gossip? Are there some people or some topics that are off limits for you? Perez: When you go to the website you’re reading perezhilton.com, it’s not the New York Times so inherently, you know, it’s one person’s point of view and one person’s perspective, one very strongly opinionated person who is not objective. It’s one person. VICE: What I meant was if there was anyone who you refuse to spread gossip about, someone like a close friend maybe? Perez: I won’t say bad things about Angelina Jolie ‘cuz I love her. There are some people that actually write bad things about Angelina Jolie but whatever, I don’t need to be one of them. VICE: If you had the power to ruin anyone’s career, who would you have never work again? Perez: Avril Lavigne. Since we’re in Canada. VICE: Which of the celebrity sex tape that you’ve seen is the best one? Perez: I don’t think I’ve really seen any…oh no, my favorite is this British beauty/model/whore named Jordan, who I talk about on my website a lot, because there’s one point in it where she got toe fucked. This guy stuck his toes in her pussy. VICE: That’s not even sanitary. Perez: It was wonderful television. VICE: My next question was which one is the worst, so does that double as the worst as well? Perez: No, that was definitely the best. The worst one would be China’s, the wrestler Joanie Laurer. VICE: I heard she has a mini penis for a clit. Perez: A mangina. VICE: Gross. Who is worse Mel Gibson or Michael Richards? Perez: Mel Gibson. VICE: Why? Perez: Because, at least Michael Richards could, if he wanted to, claim that he was trying to be funny but Mel Gibson was drunk and the drunk man speaks the sober mind. So they say. VICE: What’s up with Hollywood being all incestual? It seems like everybody is dating everyone else’s ex’s. Everything’s going in circles. Perez: Celebrities are losers; they don’t want to date “normal people”. They only want to date other celebrities. VICE: Everybody knows that Tom Cruise is gay, that’s old news. Who’s the next to come out of the closet? Perez: Well, Out Magazine just put Anderson Cooper and Jodie Foster on the cover of their magazine. VICE: Do you think that’s justifiable, have you suspected those two? Perez: Yeah, oh yeah totally! I’ve written about them being gay before. VICE: I know that you have a lot of detractors in the celebrity community but are there any celebrities who actually like you? Perez: I probably have a lot that like me and a lot that hate me just like anyone. I don’t care. I’m too busy doing my own thing to worry about what other people are thinking. And that’s the honest answer. VICE: Do you think you could start a rumor that Jessica Biel and I are adopting a baby from Tibet? Perez: We can start that. VICE: I think it would be nice. If I were a celebrity and you had to gossip about my outfit to Entertainment Tonight, what would you say? Perez: I would say that you need to put some more effort into grooming…manscaping. VICE: Is this about my beard? Perez: Maybe. Just a little trim maybe. VICE: I’m saving up for electrolysis. Perez: Oh. But I like it as you are; you were forcing me to come up with something to say. 
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Posted by: | 27/04/2007 at 21:21
ahaha
good shit
Posted by: haff | 27/04/2007 at 21:27
aha this would be so good if perez was interviewed by someone not lame
Posted by: deenul | 27/04/2007 at 21:28
you'd be a better human if you weren't alive.
Posted by: | 27/04/2007 at 23:14
Dragon Sausage may have just encouraged my enough to dress in drag tonight and interview randoms. I think it might work.
Posted by: montavillian | 28/04/2007 at 00:35
why give this starfucking moron any more press? he steals all his "scoops" from other sources and thinks he's a big man because Paris Hilton lets him sniff her crotch.
Posted by: rowdy | 28/04/2007 at 00:43
this dragan is a hottie, def a keeper!
Posted by: sme | 28/04/2007 at 00:47
umm...that sausage fellow is quite the looker. and i think there was a mistake...looks like drag wasn't the theme of the party, perez made it pretty obv that he was representing the blue power ranger.
Posted by: sauslova | 28/04/2007 at 01:48
that intern is the most handsome woman i've ever seen. i knew him from before he was big and famous.
Posted by: big sausage (youknowwho) | 28/04/2007 at 02:55
i know who the big sausage is... bigger than life itself sometimes...as for the regular, from scrubbing toiliets, who knew
Posted by: jerbo | 28/04/2007 at 03:29
hey dragan, how 'bout interviewing some muslim punks?
Posted by: stoops | 28/04/2007 at 03:52
first of all, Serbs kick ass, aspecially since I am one. Secondly, there's no one that would have done it better than Dragan... because he's Serbian. enough said.
Posted by: chanel | 28/04/2007 at 04:17
I find myself more attracted to you in drag, which kinda freaked me out at first but then I realised why:
1)lose the giant fucking glasses.
2)eyeliner looks great on you, fag it up a bit more often.
Posted by: j | 28/04/2007 at 04:35
y dont moar 10 yr olds have beardzez. tis vary good look
Posted by: rofflz | 28/04/2007 at 05:57
Wow haha.
He looks so much better in drag.
Posted by: . | 29/04/2007 at 02:26
Perez Hilton looks like my grandma.
Posted by: Dre | 29/04/2007 at 03:07
way to be just like nylon, diving into that hollywood bullshit. Next thing you know Lindsay Lohan and that cheerleader from Heroes will be covergirls for vice. LAME
Posted by: sara | 29/04/2007 at 04:20
gj, great first interview. I especially liked the bit about the small penis for a clit. Please tell me that was not premeditated.
Posted by: Blake | 29/04/2007 at 05:18
Jebem mater svim shiptarima!!! Jebem vam mamu u pichku, u dupe pa onda u usta za kraj
FUCK ALL ALBANIANS!!!
They're like white retarded gypsies
Posted by: Drej | 29/04/2007 at 05:23
Oh yeah a fuck this faggot perez penis gobbling homo bitch boy... nice blue hair.
I'd fuck his faggot ass with a broken 40oz bottle if i catch him in TO again
Posted by: Drej | 29/04/2007 at 05:25
GOOD ONE!
Posted by: rob | 30/04/2007 at 02:12
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MSeSVqanD4Q
Posted by: hi | 30/04/2007 at 05:00
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MSeSVqanD4Q
Posted by: hi | 30/04/2007 at 05:01
this is a great interview and perez hilton you are great.
i think i'll start visiting your website because of this. great.
Posted by: coolidge | 30/04/2007 at 06:39
Good work... Why is shit like this never published on the main shite?
Posted by: .. | 30/04/2007 at 13:48