PURITY BALLS

Here's what happens when wives finally get rid of all their husband's friends and Dad's got fuck all else to do with himself apart from obsessing about the integrity of his daughter's vagina. Purity Balls are a Baptist celebration where the daughter presents her father with a key, representing her locked-up, untouched purity. When the girl has found a suitor, the father gives her fiancé the keys to the cooch, not unlike a car salesman...

The invitations extend to girls age 10 and up. We guess that means part of the ball involves explaining to the girls what exactly it is they aren't supposed to be doing. Also, it's nice that nobody involved considered the implications of making it Dad's perogative to "unlock" his daughter's sexuality.

If anyone should own your vagina, shouldn't it be your mom? She pushed you out of hers after all. Why not have a Mother-Daughter Hymen Hoe-down? Highlights of the evening could include a stretch-mark beauty pageant, line dancing, a vaginal tear seminar, a baby-crowning video montage, and a hog-tie-your-virginity competition with greased pigs taking the place of their virginity. You'd be hard pressed to find a girl with any plans to part with her greased pig after that sort of fun.

DOM TUNON

Comments

[btw]

if Dad starts wanting to dance with you after checking your hymen = run

[no complaints.]

I think Dads have to control their daughters. Otherwise they start bustin' balls, and blame it on "PMS" yarite.

[balls]

thats the scariest website fucking ever. i cant not swear right now. it makes it look like peado prom and sounds like twin peaks.
fuck.
that fucked me up.

[elena]

"Purity Balls"
I guess that makes sense why it's held by fathers. And they probably thought of that whole "Hoe-down" thing but because of the title it sent the wrong message.

[tre dogg]

hey guys, let's not harsh on christians, these guys are just making sure their daughters are following their professed religion so they can get into heaven. if that's wrong than all of christiantiy is WRONG!!

[doyle]

i thought PURITY BALLS was going to be something about MALE virginity or male celibacy or something, but silly me.

no matter how sophisticated or advanced we get we always have some gross pseudo-primitive tribal nastiness come back into our culture to remind us that a large part of the beginnings of our species had to be incest.
we are shit.

[new hampshire]

"Fathers, it is up to us to plant that seed early and often. Let us take this opportunity to show our daughters that we care."-Gary 2006

actual quote from the comments section of that website

[mattitude]

honestly this scared me, luckly most of these girls dont have to worry about suitors any time soon. being some one who narrowly escaped christian indoctrination i'm thankful i didn't get suck into this shit, although i would have been slightly better of being a dude andn all.

[ahhh]

I'm pretty sure Jesus didn't expound on men deciding when and where the women can give up the poon. Clearly fidelity and self control fit into his plan, but come on. It's just another bastadization of scripture to maintain the power base. (and that's coming from a white male church goer)

[another thing]

if you're worried about their virginity, you might not want to dress them like that.

[Alex]

The only reason that its being done with the fathers as the holder of the keys is because religions are based with males as the head figures, through out history males have been seen as the more powerful of the species and have always been given these sorts of responsabilities, now im not saying that its right fo people to still be doing this, i dont have any predjudice towards women in any way, but with some cultural/ religous matters there is very little point in changing them, they are generaly meant to be symbolic and in no way legally binding.

[Armchair zoologist]

So basically the biggest difference between now and the Middle Ages is that we carry cell phones.

[Armchair zoologist]

from the webpage:

"I was sort of afraid to go because my dad doesn't live with me, but my uncle took me. I felt very special, it was a magical evening." -Molly

Yikes... the creepy uncle.

[Ed]

They're probably not Virgins, judging by the way 'dads' holding them.

[max abrams]

Click on the photos section. The background music is pricelessly fucked up.
-M

[Olaf]

WTF is up with that creepy music?? I flicked through the photo album while it played, and it was just every shade of wrong ever. That the room I was sitting in was dark as well, just added to the horror.