One of our dog-owning neighbors left us this little present on the plastic ashtray outside the office this morning. Now, you may be saying, "Whatever, dogs shit places, old news," but think for a second how dogs work. In our experience—admittedly limited—they squat down on their little dog haunches and get their dog anus as close to the ground as they can while leaving enough space for the top of the turd to clear it. Youtube's got a bunch of reference videos if you need a refresher. The bottom of that ashtray is a good two feet tall which means there's either a great dane on the block taking remarkably small craps, or somebody lifted their regular-size dog up in the middle of its business and directed the flow as though they were icing a cake. We're not saying we need some fancy, ultraclean sidewalk with planters and a health-food store outside our workplace, but can folks please chill with all the shit and the barf bags and the often indeterminate parts of dead things? It's like running the Eliminator just trying to make it in the door with a hangover these days.