NEW YORK - THE DECLINE OF DORM ART

There are few more bare-faced declarations of identity than the crap college freshmen put up on their walls to draw in friends. For every aluminum-framed poster a kid nails up within minutes of claiming their bed, he/she may as well be handing out pamphlets to his or her new roommates titled “This Is Who I Want You to Think I Am.” We decided to trace the evolution of a couple dormwall staples from our time at school to their current incarnations.

Robert D’Oisneau Kiss – Typically found caddy-corner from a particle-board Breakfast At Tiffany’s print. This was once a mainstay of the general girl population but has gradually become a fringe item and relic of a shier, more wistful age. Nowadays it’s generally indicative of the type of girl who puts a tablecloth over the shitty dormroom furniture and requires a day or two of “pajama-time” whenever she gets dumped.

Bound – The LUG Rosetta stone. This is the poster that heralded the shift from naïve, feminist-oriented flirtation to unabashed lipstick lesbianism. It also started that thing where girls would go on and on about how “beautiful” they thought whoever the popular black-haired actress at the time was. It goes without saying nobody saw the movie (which fucking blew).

Tanya Chalkin Dyke Kiss – Finally the two converged, right at the moment when it became 100-percent acceptable for heterosexual girls to fuck other girls as long as both girls are pretty.

Clockwork Orange silhouettes–This is what the “tough” film students would put up to distinguish themselves from the turtlenecked Wim Wenders crowd. Its “edginess” has kind of been sold down the river since.

Reservoir Dogs to Pulp Fiction Shift – Between the release of Tarantino’s first two movies there was a weird transition between the type of guys who’d say they were fans. Originally, it was sort of arty film kids who wanted to seem tough and “authentic,” then it was regular kids who wanted to be tough and make it seem like they were into film, and finally it ended up just being guys who liked swearing. 

Scarface – Finally hip-hop found a way to permanently reconcile the tough kids with the film kids with the cuss-lovers. And a permanent poster franchise was born for good.

Einstein Tongue – This used to be a way for nerds to tell the jocks I may be into something you don’t understand, like math or physics, but that doesn’t mean I can’t party.

Belushi “College” poster – And then the nerds started going, you know what? I’m not really that into math anyway. Let’s just enjoy ourselves here.

Chugging Belushi– And now nerds are jocks (and vice versa).

Matisse’s The Dance - There was some crossover between this and the D’Oisneau girls, but generally it signified that they were slightly “artier.”

Dali’s Geopoliticus – The only existing case of a dorm poster evolving into something more sophisticated than its predecessor (although it’s possible it was on an episode of Dawson’s Creek or something).  Temptation of St. Anthony was the boys’ version.

Starry Night – I visited my little sister at school last year, and I swear I saw this in three fucking rooms. When did they started letting ten-year-olds into college?

Bob Marley – In 300 years when we’ve all interbred ourselves gray and have solar panels mounted on our scalps that double as UV umbrellas, I guarantee there will still be at least one smug asshole with a camping chair in every dorm who busts out the old acoustic guitar whenever girls are over and has this pensive mug above his bed. I will bet you five dollars. 

TERRY HAND

Comments

[chris]

you forgot all the different permutations of the marley poster. bob marley smoking a joint, bob marley smoking a joint but coughing, bob marley playing soccer, bob marley facing one way and the head of a lion facing the other way, bob marley made up of a thousand smaller pictures of bob marley...

you forgot the tapestries, oh the tapestries.

you forgot this
you forgot that
shut the fuck up!

[Brasa]

No Wu Tang Black light poster? What the fuck?

[rubadub]

How about that Pink Floyd poster w/ the girls painted butts. It said I like deep music and T&A w/out looking like a date rapist. I'd say about half the dumb guys in my freshman dorm had this one circa '99.

[claire]

also, a Fight Club poster, and some sort of poster advocating drinking/pot

[fucktards]

What about the Family Guy Stewie poster or Che posters, eh?

[lowdirt]

and the street signs... oh the street signs

[bloobs]

hellooooooo? where's KLIMT??? KLIMT!

[Miguel]

what about those shit posters that say 'beer: helping ugly people have sex since 1892', with some old guy holding a jug of foaming ale? usually found on the wall of a total asswipe.

Don't forget the Hokusai waves poster. That thing and Starry Night go hand in hand.

[spencer]

No mention of "The Scream?" It was a girl dorm room favorite when I was in college.

But then again, not NYC, so maybe it was just a regional thing. Never mind.

[Nick]

Wow look how smart and witty you are. You are so funny. God, so funny.

this was beyond shit.