LONDON - I HATE EVERYONE AT UNI
When I was growing up literature taught me that University was a place for revolutionaries and homosexuals. If only. One term in and all I have learnt is that a pair of Cheap Mondays don't make you an interesting person and having heard the Aeroplane Remix of 'Paris' doesn't mean you like music. Here are five of the annoying habits of my student pals which have forced me to isolate myself.
1. They enjoy inner city rock climbing.
Climbing plastic rocks doesn’t: a) confirm your true punk instincts by shunning the crass commercialism of sports like football, or, b) separate you from the snobbishness of the intellectual class by showing your passion for actual experiences as well as intellectual ones. In fact it probably means you’re an aggressive virgin destined to be a currier (alright alright, courier) who gets flattened by a bus.
2. They read aloud on the bus.
People who aren't born in cities think that all public transport is a platform for their humour. It doesn't matter if you're reading Keats or some ironic 1970s self-help book you picked up at Broadway Market, the N36 doesn't want to hear it and it makes me look like a dick by association. I actually think it's going to take a stabbing to stop them doing it.
3. They developed an obsession with Nineties British R’n’B.
This isn't a joke, everyone got obsessed with this shit. FYI dickheads: Liking shit music isn't 'The Truth'.
4. They started a Christmas and cocaine themed club night.
This one really pissed me off. The club only ran once, and was called ‘Let it Snow, Snow, Snow’. It was put on by these two girls who thought that a copy of The Slits' ‘Heard It Through the Grapevine’ was a passport to alt immortality and made the fliers by scrawling on Christmas cards.
5. They went on and on about zombies
Like goths about vampires, hipkids love to bang on about the undead. It all became a thousand times worse once Charlie Brooker got involved, suddenly you couldn’t walk into a bar without someone debating whether zombies should run or not. I don’t care either way. George Romeo (or whatever your God is called) isn’t a genius, his films are stupid and boring. Sorry.
DAVID GEORGE
damn you're so controversial
Posted by: toto | 05/01/2009 at 12:07
"currier" ??????
you fucking retard fuck off to the goldsmiths library and look up currier... someone who works in the leather industry.... hmmmmm MAYBE courier is what you meant. seriously how the fuck did you get into university anyway.
Posted by: spelling bee | 05/01/2009 at 12:10
I was actually wondering what the fuck a "currier" was and had a flash moment where I though that maybe I wasn't hip anymore....
Posted by: | 05/01/2009 at 12:17
Maybe someone who makes things more curry-like, wandering around with spices and big pan.
Posted by: Gamorrah | 05/01/2009 at 12:39
you loved Zombies before everyone else jumped on the bandwagon...
Posted by: fff | 05/01/2009 at 13:34
don't complain about your uni friends, make new ones, who don't rock climb or talk aloud on buses. p.s. sounds like you go to the kind of central london uni where your parents get to choose what sort of degree you do. Shame.
Posted by: | 05/01/2009 at 13:36
zombies only want you for your brain
Posted by: | 05/01/2009 at 13:43
Zombies are fucking awesome, you've missed the whole point of your own entire life. FUCK
Posted by: | 05/01/2009 at 14:46
3.2
Posted by: Pitchfork | 05/01/2009 at 15:18
why are retards like these granted a loan for their higher education while i have to wait 2 years or pay £3500 a year?
FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK
Posted by: toto | 05/01/2009 at 15:32
Uni students = just more people to troll
Posted by: | 05/01/2009 at 15:43
OMG YA U DUMASS LERN TOO SPELLS GOD YR STOOPID I CANT BELEEV THIS YOU ROOINED MY DAY
Posted by: pmw | 05/01/2009 at 16:15
cocks
Posted by: wolfjumper | 05/01/2009 at 16:25
i hope you're taking the piss
Posted by: | 05/01/2009 at 16:30
I'm a "courier," and I hate rock climbing.
Posted by: Unimar! | 05/01/2009 at 18:19
I'm a "courier," and I hate rock climbing.
Posted by: Unimar! | 05/01/2009 at 18:19
"alt immortality"? What type of a phrase is that? Have you been reading Hipster Runoff instead of subject text books?
Posted by: Rene | 05/01/2009 at 20:22
You know what i really HATE?
Zombies who reads aloud whilst listneing to some shitty r n b on his crappy nano whilst rock climbing, snorting cocaine and dropping some which in turn looks like snow...fucking hate those guys
Posted by: Matt | 05/01/2009 at 20:59
soooo, cheap mondays AREN'T cool anymore?
bugger
Posted by: uh oh | 06/01/2009 at 00:07
yeah I'm one of these people,you obviously have never been to a cocaine themed club or party,go I'm sure itll change your views
Oh and for your sake I hope zombies aren't real cause sounds like you dont know much about them
Posted by: | 06/01/2009 at 00:20
well I thought it was pretty fuckin true, i hate all those things
Posted by: xavier | 06/01/2009 at 01:35
Yeh, the whole zombie thing has got to go.
Posted by: ean frick | 06/01/2009 at 02:15
This is what you get for going to university in London in the first place, you chinless twonk. People who pay money to be educated there end up believing that London comprises the entirety of the known universe, which is the kind of personal/social/mental damage that can take a lifetime to undo. London is where you live for the first few years after you graduate before you figure out that it's a horrible, overpriced rapist hive, and move somewhere civilised, like the middle of the fucking Sun.
Don't worry, you can still go to Fabric now and again; once you're at the point where you can get a job where you're allowed a chair, train fare isn't such a big deal anymore.
Posted by: LT | 06/01/2009 at 03:55
If I have a problem with students, it's that they all have too much damn money and too much debt. Give back tuition fees, let the students go nuts without strings and actually give students the freedom do something revolutionary instead of being a trainwreck of fashionable little "wish I was popularist of all" self-centered idiots.
It is the students right and moral duty to have nothing to lose.
20 years ago it was the students and miners together against the government. Nowadays the students take up the jobs of whoever is striking because they have no money.
Students all try to have this post hippie individual vibe, but at the end of the day your all just waiting to fall in line with everyone else and by the same sweatshop clothes from the same fake smile shops.
Fuck that. Take a lot of drugs, next time the government does something shit, organise a riot, if the police have a problem, proclaim the police be arrested for obstruction of Human and Civil rights. Take a holiday to some faraway crazy place.
By the way i'm not saying this because i'm so neo liberal hippy. No, i'm saying this because without the driving force of young intellectual, slightly manic students and young adults, we might as well just sign away our rights and wait for another Reichstag to come along and Gestapo Facebook wet dream to connect us to the people we really hate.
If your gonna bitch about why students suck at least have something decent to bitch about. Zombies, Reading on buses and a climbing wall. And a snow coke party. Sounds like you'll learn more than you would in the average lecture. Last lecture I went to was a showcase of all the latest Apple products. See what I'm getting at?
And if you hate people reading on a bus, why are you writing about it? Why do you even bother caring? Why even listen? Scared you might hear something profound?
An just one last thing, University is a place where you study one tiny little paragraph in the book of human knowledge. Just because you are (presumably non-graduate) studying at uni does not make you better or more intelligent. Reading books, meeting people, going out...
Posted by: Ash | 06/01/2009 at 04:17
I've read the book of human knowledge its its all absolute tosh.
Posted by: Gamorrah | 06/01/2009 at 16:29