All right, the International Noise Conference is over and pretty much everyone's back home. Noisebloid checked in one last time to reflect on how well-behaved they all were. What, did everyone decide to act their age or something? Besides all the drama with hottie Jasmine (of whom we still have no photo, since she was apparently busy fucking someone else from Baltimore who isn't Door on the roof of a broken-down bus in the INC parking lot), and word that someone in My (Left) Uterus and someone in Lazy Magnet did it in front of everyone while strapping hunk Pro Bro Gold (Brandon from Byron House) played a pre-INC rave set in Orlando, there's wasn't much hooking up. But click right on down there for the rest of the report, as well as some photos and videos.
Leslie Keffer got mad that Tusco Terror referred to some girl from Northhampton as the Lindsay Lohan of Noise, but that was only because she wore a dress made out of a pillowcase with a hole cut out for arms and head the hole weekend, just like how Lindsay Lohan loves wearing potato sacks. "But I'm the Lindsay Lohan of noise!" she screamed, stomping her foot. "That girl is straight-edge! I party!" Oh yeah, and after complaining about some shitty barbecue, TV was taken in back of the club by some creepy local and was administered Ketamine. Annoying shit-stirrers Telepathik Friend patched up a two-year feud with Keffer but then started up a new one with Rat Bastard, whispering behind his back that the INC proprietor "needs to cut his hippie hair." Other than that, everyone, even Nondor Nevai, was on their best behavior. Wow.
Drums Like Machine Guns. No shortage of shirtless longhairs here.
Leslie Keffer in front of the bus where Jasmine and some random did it.
Matrix Infinity
Ouiblette
My (Left) Uterus
Byron House
FUN
Rat Bastard in Undrskor
Nondor Nevai enjoying a rousing set by Diagram A
Telepathik Friend
Russian Tsarlag
And Door, aka Earth Crown, made it out anyway. Noisebloid reports he denies having hit on Jasmine in Sarasota.
Read the first report here and the second one here.
(photos by Val Martino from Unicorn Hard-on)
i so thought you ms painted all over that guy before i realized it's just pipe cleaners.
Posted by: drats | 18/02/2009 at 19:13
I'm glad everyone "behaved themselves" this time. No one wants to see past-their-peak, hairy, and slightly overweight men getting crazy... actually that sounds kind of entertaining
Posted by: frontbackside | 18/02/2009 at 19:18
great. no pictures of Jasmine, but tons of dirty, greasy hippy men. Noiseblood, you've disappointed me.
Posted by: hoot | 18/02/2009 at 19:33
That was some really juicy gossip. CWAZY! Lindsay Lohan of Noise...that is just so mean. I can't believe the wild bunch of noise behaved well...
Posted by: Mayo | 18/02/2009 at 19:52
this just in: leslie keffer blah blah blah who cares???????????????adfalsdjflkasdfjl
Posted by: beau jangles | 18/02/2009 at 20:36
I CARE! I must know ever single detail about these people... Leslie Kaffer and Big Fat Man McNasty and Kate SluttyHerps. then I want to go watch "The Hills". its my routine.
Posted by: | 18/02/2009 at 21:06
telepathik friend is sw33t, dont hate!
Posted by: br3nt | 18/02/2009 at 21:38
who wrote this stupid article?
Posted by: gary | 18/02/2009 at 23:40
ahh, good ol' churchills.
Posted by: l'elk! | 18/02/2009 at 23:41
someone please tell me who the fuck is the dude in the black wifebeater with the stache (pictured with keffer)
Posted by: | 19/02/2009 at 00:24
someone tell me who the fuck the dude in the black wife beater with the stache is (pictured with keffer)
Posted by: shitdunk | 19/02/2009 at 00:37
rusty!
Posted by: | 19/02/2009 at 01:02
jazz tha hottie
http://i701.photobucket.com/albums/ww17/monkeyman1975/jzzjazz.jpg
Posted by: | 19/02/2009 at 04:07
all the hippies kinda disconcerting, no usual scumbags. so sleazy/friendly. i saw the girl & dude on the bus, they looked in love, now we know! and i heard TV called "the justin timberlake of noise" lol
Posted by: | 19/02/2009 at 16:23
she hooked up with harris too
Posted by: | 19/02/2009 at 21:14
i heard no one wants you to come to the noise conference next year.
juicy.
Posted by: erin hart | 19/02/2009 at 21:40
BITCHES WHO DONT SUCK DICK WILL GET NO RESPECT
Posted by: | 19/02/2009 at 23:04
jasmine lives!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Posted by: wtf | 20/02/2009 at 00:52
that guy Door hasnt even heard Discharge.
Posted by: Ravi | 20/02/2009 at 01:24
leslie keffer wrote this
and has been banned from florida.
Posted by: FLORIDA | 20/02/2009 at 01:30
leslie!!!!
Posted by: | 20/02/2009 at 04:34
Stuff White People Like
122. Noise

More advanced white people play "noise music." What is interesting about this phenomenon is they fall into two categories: either, over-educated liberal arts grads (and those who left graduate school), or whites who dropped out of highschool due to excessive heroin abuse. All rely on their excessive knowledge of noise musicians: groups such as To Live And Shave In LA, Laundry Room Squelchers, Weasel Walter, etc. Upper eschalon whites ironically make fun of various "noise luminaries" knowing their contemporaries will view it ironically. Combining irony with an encyclopedic knowledge of useless information (such as relating noise music to Critical Theory, for example) is considered very advanced. The easiest way to manipulate this brand of white is to listen --actually zone out-- nod, and pretend you know what they are talking about, keeping sure to look as droll as possible. It is essential to mention obscure noise acts (local bands no one would know anyway are best). Feign surprise when your white companion has not heard said band. It is acceptable to fabricate noise bands because there is a 99% chance you are drinking Pabst Blue Ribbons that cost $4 in Bushwick. Not only will you never speak to your interlocutor again, you will also not listen to her/his homemade noise CD-R (or the more advanced casette tape, or even 8track tape)--all of course hand numbered, not "limited edition." Finally, even more advanced white people antagonize their white noise music contemporaries because it is viewed as ironic. Remember: dealing with white people in the noise music scene relies on the interplay between regurgitating obscure, useless information and irony.
I am a chooch.
Posted by: TV | 20/02/2009 at 04:55
well ma'am you'd be right
have i told you about my basement?.. . err noise 8track tapes!
http://childproof.tv/bbs/tvnoise8tracktape.jpg
Posted by: TV | 20/02/2009 at 22:53
I would have assumed that writing for a magazine would require some basic grammar and spelling skills. Or maybe the editors didn't get their fix when they approved this.
Posted by: Jack Diablo | 21/02/2009 at 01:51
the guy in the Keffer pic is Stoney Tusco, not Rusty Tusco
Posted by: sweet d | 21/02/2009 at 03:44