If you stayed a little longer in Austin than everyone else you got to see the real shit. The other day I went to a party hosted by an "outlaw bicycle club" of drifters, anarchists, crusties, squatters, and conspiracy theorists. They ride those super silly tall bikes you sometimes see people riding and want to push over. "Be prepared to get drunk as fuck and FUCK SHIT UP as fuck!!!" read the invite. Oh boy!
The party was at a falling down house in East Austin called the Shitpit. A bunch of bands were playing but their names weren't listed anywhere. The whole thing resembled a postmodern Two Minutes Hate rally against nothing. Beer cost a dollar and before long, everyone was pushing each other down in the splashy mudpit that was this house's front yard.
Why does it look so badass when girls get naked and dirty? Regular old tits transform into black metal boobs of death. I want to spear them so hard with my imaginary cock.
Everyone took five at one point during the mud wrestling because the shed out back was on fire. We ran over and several guys were pissing on the fire to help put it out. One of them looked worried. "Oh no,” he said. “I hope Sarah's kittens weren't still under there."
I'd heard they were going to burn a house down, but it turned out it was only a car. Still counts for something, I guess. This jacked up car on blocks was ready to be put out of its misery. At one point, a gang of filthy ten-year-olds came and started beating on it with pipes and skateboards, then suddenly disappeared back to their filthy grotto, just like little shit imps.
People were using a trampoline embedded in the windshield to jump over the car. One girl missed and her leg slammed through the glass, slicing it literally down to the bone. "Are you OK?" I asked. She shrugged and reached for more beer.
People were fooling around with bikes in the street, which annoyed anyone trying to drive through. Some kid got impatient and drove by too quickly, forcing people to get out of the way, and a guy kicked his side mirror off in response. Ten minutes later the guy came back with his mom, who started yelling at the party for being loud and scary. The mirror-kicker took his dick out, poured a beer on it, and used it to flick dick-beer at her while she yelled.
I was too scared to stay inside the yard, but people kept shooting off fireworks and throwing things like javelins and beer bottles over the fence, so you could never take your eyes off the action or you might get hit in the head. It was like a real live videogame! One dude slammed up against the fence and screamed at me to rip his shirt off, so I did. Then he somersaulted over the fence and screamed "THANK YOU!" We're friends now.
The "singer" of one of the bands was shouting unintelligible things through a megaphone and shoving people around. He shoved a guy on crutches, who subsequently tumbled down. When he got up, he was really muddy and mad. He cracked he singer on the skull with his crutch, and a fight broke out.
My friend was getting all philosophical about it, saying this is what happens when people with creative impulses have no outlets and it was dark and disturbing and made his tummy hurt and blah blah blah. The cops broke it up around 10 PM but everyone came back to engage in tall bike jousting and finally, finally burn that car.
JAMIE PECK
(photos by Rebecca Smeyne)
Awesome
Posted by: EAsy | 25/03/2009 at 14:40
That's is. BIKE is going to the top of my queue. I have to see this bike jousting shit.
Posted by: The Hose | 25/03/2009 at 14:43
This truly is the crazy shit! Its good to be able to look at the photos but to be there would be amazing.
Posted by: slam dance on this | 25/03/2009 at 14:44
Dick beer splashing has to be one of the most efficient ways to stop some ones mom shouting at you.
Posted by: dick beer | 25/03/2009 at 14:45
Only one fight broke out??? the entire thing looks like a massive rumble. enjoying the muddy ladies.
Posted by: get it on | 25/03/2009 at 14:46
HA in the third picture down check the big dude just checking it out over his fence. there goes the neighborhood.
Posted by: just looking | 25/03/2009 at 14:48
Is that you waster?
Posted by: ATL | 25/03/2009 at 14:58
what a fucking surprise... can't pay no doctor bills (but whitey's on the moon) ten years from now i'll be payin still (but whitey's on the moon)... white.... males.... no wonder they're organizing this kind of laughable shit.... they on the moon.
Posted by: media at its nadir | 25/03/2009 at 15:22
whoa this post really lives up to its title
Posted by: anonymous | 25/03/2009 at 15:28
thats how crusties role I was doing that shit all over the country from age 10 to 22 what's so crazy about that?
Posted by: goatpiss | 25/03/2009 at 15:32
I can feel the unknown but positive excitement their feeling, if only people did this all time when they were drunk.
Posted by: john jorde | 25/03/2009 at 15:55
Duuuuudeee. All that's missing is a Thunderdome.
Posted by: Bradford | 25/03/2009 at 15:56
i'm still fukked from jousting at that party. my boys in skdmrxxx know how to fuck the goose eggs out of your balls every year with this god damn fiasco of a party.
Posted by: buh-lake | 25/03/2009 at 15:59
Ah Austin...
Posted by: Bandit a la mode | 25/03/2009 at 16:09
haha, intense.
Posted by: ZiP | 25/03/2009 at 16:18
way to leave out the 17 year old gang rape, beat downs with fence slats, roman-candle fights using only ones asshole, syringe body darts, and titty punching contests. guess yall aint hard enough to go to the bone zone with the skidmarxxx all night
Posted by: skull now | 25/03/2009 at 16:55
I'm amazed you escaped unscathed. if anyone kicked the mirror off my car I would forceably remove his boy bits and feed them to him.
Posted by: vegemite | 25/03/2009 at 17:08
SKIDMARXXX
Posted by: pizza party | 25/03/2009 at 17:51
FUNDERSTORM!
Posted by: itsacademic | 25/03/2009 at 18:07
anarchists are really fun until you accidentally mention anything political and you get stuck in a forty minute conversation about co-ops and why they changed their name from "jessica" to "rian" (because their family gave them that name and they fucking hate their family).
Posted by: Henry James | 25/03/2009 at 18:31
we left after minutes because a friend was shitpantsingly scared but holy shit did i ever become hypnotized by one of the naked mud wrestler's dicks. it was made of magic.
Posted by: sorrymom | 25/03/2009 at 18:35
Holy Shitpit. I'm staying for this next year. Damn.
Posted by: Igotnolegs | 25/03/2009 at 18:46
here's your photographer in the mud:
http://www.flickr.com/photos/rebecca_rs/2357990578/in/set-72157594552450437/
Posted by: boner | 25/03/2009 at 19:37
holy party. That is killer. what a response to some guy bringing his mom to take care of things. i'm surprised more didn't happen to him.
Posted by: Tim Shitty | 25/03/2009 at 19:49
you know you put these guys in your Vice Don'ts not long ago, right? http://www.viceland.com/int/dd.php?id=1780
Posted by: chyeah | 25/03/2009 at 20:07