Here's a little advice to any of you out there trying to steer a print magazine through these tough financial waters (RIP King). When the time comes for you to take on a new administrative assistant, try plugging your prospective employee's name into this new internet dealie called Google to make sure she doesn't have any less-than-desirable traits, like, say, five outstanding warrants for fraud in Utah where she also faked numerous abortions and was run out of town after earning a colorful nickname such as "The Filth." Beyond a few wayward emails to the people who run the guest lists at a few music venues, we were lucky to dodge any major bullets during Kari's week of employment here. But we think that's because it happened to coincide with the week she came down with a light case of cancer. (It cleared up.) By the way, if you're looking for clerical work and do not currently make your living as a dime-store novel con artist, please send your resume to jobs@viceland.com.
Update: For the latest Kari sighting, go here, and if you'd like to see exactly how she works her charm, you can read a chat she had with a former mark.
i've known only one "kari" and she was wacko enough to make me forever wary of anyone with that name. she was my lab partner and she went from a cute virgin with a crush on me to double dongs up the ass and eight balls in a matter of weeks. i was not involved in any of this, other than the lab work.
Posted by: juicy fruit | 02/04/2009 at 22:47
Hah...look out for missing office supplies and the company cheque book. Sneaky little bastard.
Posted by: Cornelius | 02/04/2009 at 22:56
Salt Lake City's most wanted criminal is a check bouncer? Bullshit- you know those nutjob Mormons are up to some crazy shit. I've seen Big Love!
Posted by: Justine Bateman | 02/04/2009 at 22:57
her major offense is that tattoo
Posted by: goofchildren | 02/04/2009 at 23:24
i'm rooting for her.
Posted by: olivia | 02/04/2009 at 23:34
she looks like the marshmallow man in drag
Posted by: egon | 02/04/2009 at 23:44
man you guys should have hired me! i only have one warrant but its cleared up! iam a bad ass!
Posted by: jason | 02/04/2009 at 23:55
Is it legal to be posting this? I mean I dont know if she did anything to you guys... but this seems a bit harsh.
Posted by: boulderfist | 03/04/2009 at 00:26
Legal? It's a fucking SLCPD notice, dum dum.
Posted by: TNT | 03/04/2009 at 00:35
dumb vice retards probably hired her BECAUSE of her "cool" breast plate tattoo and her baby doll haircut. korean whore child learned long ago how to coast through life on her "image" and "looks". vice is really just getting what it deserves. i kinda wish she'd have fucked them harder. "do and don't" blow back is a bitch. try substance over image you fucking retarded, t.v. hypnotized, image hipster, fagz.
Posted by: clover | 03/04/2009 at 01:35
Haha. You spelled fags with a z faggot.
Posted by: Haha | 03/04/2009 at 01:46
This is pretty hilarious.
Posted by: Cindy | 03/04/2009 at 02:57
hey clover, what is vice getting but a funny story you fagzot ?
Posted by: ballsac | 03/04/2009 at 03:07
so this is what the fuck yall mean by irony...
Posted by: david w an a | 03/04/2009 at 03:18
Has anyone thought she might be innocent? It could all be some sort of frame up. People get cancer and then get better. I know people who are fagzots and their ok. I also know people who cant spell and use words like fagzot and their ok to. As a matter of fact I know hipsters and ho's and their ok too
Posted by: James E MacDonald | 03/04/2009 at 05:00
she's a guilty bitch... guilty of being awesome.
Posted by: guilt-trip | 03/04/2009 at 05:13
this girl sucks. she hung out with me and pretended that she had cancer. i actually thought she was lying about working at vice. haha.
Posted by: god bless (insert) | 03/04/2009 at 05:48
She looks like she should be dragging around a plump 5 year old boy, in no bra, shouting at an older version of herself while trying to haggle the price of some opaque sea creature people don't eat. Not working at Vice
Posted by: Gary Fischer Price | 03/04/2009 at 06:14
You are the biggest piece of shit going. Your fucking rope has run out. You are reduced to relating tales of mis-hiring outlaw chinks. Kill yourself now.
Posted by: johnny | 03/04/2009 at 08:41
FUCK YA'LLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL
Posted by: hm? | 03/04/2009 at 10:58
I think it's hilarious that on her wanted poster, the county employee was unable to use an apostrophe properly. "Warrant's"? Warrant's what? They haven't released anything good since "Cherry Pie."
Posted by: Jetpack | 03/04/2009 at 14:07
Catching Kari Ferrell would be the best VBS show of all time. Get Baby Balls on the case!!!
Posted by: Nancy | 03/04/2009 at 15:19
"Has anyone thought she might be innocent? It could all be some sort of frame up. People get cancer and then get better."
Yeah, people get better from cancer all the time. It's just like one day they're dying in a hospital bed and the next day you run into them at the bar and ask them about that cancer and they're like "What? Oh please, I got over that hours ago.
Posted by: ztg | 03/04/2009 at 16:11
""do and don't" blow back is a bitch. try substance over image "
Try not taking jokes seriously and then getting angry about them.
Posted by: cellron | 03/04/2009 at 16:14
This has Chris Roberts written all over it.
Posted by: adam shore | 03/04/2009 at 16:20