Here's a little advice to any of you out there trying to steer a print magazine through these tough financial waters (RIP King). When the time comes for you to take on a new administrative assistant, try plugging your prospective employee's name into this new internet dealie called Google to make sure she doesn't have any less-than-desirable traits, like, say, five outstanding warrants for fraud in Utah where she also faked numerous abortions and was run out of town after earning a colorful nickname such as "The Filth." Beyond a few wayward emails to the people who run the guest lists at a few music venues, we were lucky to dodge any major bullets during Kari's week of employment here. But we think that's because it happened to coincide with the week she came down with a light case of cancer. (It cleared up.) By the way, if you're looking for clerical work and do not currently make your living as a dime-store novel con artist, please send your resume to firstname.lastname@example.org.