A lot of things are missing in my life: luck, money, health, money, money, money, money, money. But I just found out that I, and indeed the whole world, need to add something else to this list: Orgone energy, the substance of dreams and eternal luck. If we had it, everything would be better. Lots better. Apparently.
Take Africa, for instance, which clearly has some major problems. But all the Genocide, hunger and AIDS are just symptoms of a much bigger problem: Orgone deficiency. So, why don't we bring Orgone to Africa? A good question, which is currently being raised by the Orgone community.
Extremly fascinated by this magical substance and all the different things you can use it for (e.g., weather control, the healing of rheumatism and cancer), I really wanted to find out what's up with it, especially since it's supposedly destined to save the continent of Africa, and later on, the entire world.
I called Jürgen Fischer, who is the marketing director in Germany for Orgone showers, Orgone boxes, and everything else that has to do with Orgone. Turns out Orgone energy is one hot little potato...
Vice: Hey, can you please explain to me what's going on in Mozambique?
Jürgen Fischer: I'm afraid you're asking the wrong guy. I have way too much respect for Cloudbusting, so I became a big critic of Orgone use. Back in the day, I used to do experiments with it but weather control is way too dangerous. You should talk to professor Bernd Senf about it. He is in charge of Orgonise Africa in Germany.
Oh, OK, so I've got the wrong guy. Let's back up and try again. Cloudbusting? What's that?
Orgone radiation has an influence on the energy field of the earth. With this you are able to change the weather. Weather control is forbidden and extremly dangerous.
I would say you can compare Cloudbusting or weather control after Reich [he's the guy who discovered Orgone and all its mysteries -Ed.]--that's how professor Senf calls it--to working with atomic bombs.
Yeah. The worst weather catastrophes in Europe during the last 30 years, which caused hundreds of deaths and millions of dollars worth of damage, were all caused by failed Cloudbusting experiments.
Which catastrophes are you talking about?
I'm not allowed to tell you because otherwise a lot of people would have to go to court. The only thing I can tell you is: Cloudbusting always works.
Yeah. You should talk to professor Senf about this. When you call him it's probably better if you don't tell him that you've already spoken to me because we respect each other on a professional level. He won't be that open if you tell him that you already talked to me. If you have any questions afterwards, just give me a call ...
OK, thanks. Talk to you later.
Professor Ernst Senf is supposed to be an expert in Cloudbusting. He also has the answers to the real reasons for the financal crisis. I tried to call him about the atomic bomb approach to healing the world, but when I checked his website and called the phone number a guy picked up who had never heard anything about a Bernd Senf. He didn't want to tell me his real name and explained that no Bernd Senf was ever available under this number. That left me pretty skeptical but equally intrigued.
To me it sounded like some kind of conspiracy, since the Orgone community seems to be fairly paranoid and all my questions were probably extremely suspicious. I can't help but wonder if they didn't contact one another via some weird undetectable frequency range to spread information that I'd be calling.
So then I tried to call the Wilhelm Reich Orgone Institute in Germany because their website looked super professional. After the phone rang for quite a while a woman answered and I told her I would like to talk about Orgone showers. She told me with a pretty strict and scary German voice that she never heard anything about such an institute and she had never heard anything about Cloudbusting. I googled images of Cloudbusting equipment, just to make sure I wasn't making the whole thing up. I found a Cloudbusting cannon that seemed to be able to do just about everything I had feared. I started to get very worried. I wanted to call up Mr. Fischer again but when I pressed the redial button someone else picked up (before it had a chance to even ring) and told me that there was never, ever, ever (he repeated this twice) been a Mr. Fischer available on this phone number.