I am French and I've never eaten cheese in my entire life. It's always been a big neurosis, my worst fear, and one of my greatest prides at the same time. I guess I feel "rare" or something like that, because basically every French person I know LOVES to put those crappy hunks of altered milk into their mouths. The theory I have for my aversion is that cheese smell has more than a little something in common with genital smell. When I was a kid I had a dream that my buddies and I had to taste cheese in class while being naked. To my childish personality, cheese was equal to sex. And sex was embarrassing. But then recently I decided it was time to face this fetish-phobia and gobble down some moldy curdled milk.
The only types of cheese I consider inoffensive are the ones from burgers and pizzas. They're good and unsmelly cheeses. But for this taste test I had to do it right, so I tried the five most infectious cheeses from this side of the channel: St. Marcelin, Cabécou, Comté, Coulommiers, and Roquefort. I didn't enjoy any of them. Even now, writing this, I hardly can remember the exact taste of those malodorous things because I was stressed nearly to death. I guess it was creamy (even juicy), harsh, and pukey. I don't want to relive any of this anymore, so here's some photos of me losing my shit, all because of cheese.
JULIEN MOREL
cheese-eating faggot
Posted by: the truth | 09/07/2009 at 18:46
This is hilarious. Second picture from the bottom is a classic.
I used to hate cheese too...
Posted by: Ivy Mokhov | 09/07/2009 at 18:49
HAHA. Give him cottage cheese and let's get the hurling going.
Posted by: i love cheese | 09/07/2009 at 18:59
dude, suck it up.
Posted by: dirtydog | 09/07/2009 at 19:06
what a cheesedick! learn to love the stench!
Posted by: hanz | 09/07/2009 at 19:09
the art of fermenting curdled milk is truly nothing less of awesome.
Posted by: michin shyang nom | 09/07/2009 at 19:10
i dont like any of these french cheese either. i do love cheese burgers, cheesy bread, and string cheese though
Posted by: cheeseburger | 09/07/2009 at 19:11
im the exact opposite of this guy. i don't like "safe" cheese like american, cheddar, jack, etc...bring on the funK!!!!
Posted by: sensational | 09/07/2009 at 19:12
He is right, though. Those cheeses are pretty potent. I think I'd ralph if I had to eat them, too.
Posted by: Wenz | 09/07/2009 at 19:37
awwww poor little hipster can't take the taste of real cheese... so lets make a shitty blog out of it.
Posted by: mimi | 09/07/2009 at 20:02
So, if you want to learn and enjoy swimming, you would have someone throw you into an ice cold stormy ocean. Instead of maybe starting by going to a warm swimming pool first.
Again one of these moronic stories. Didn't we just have someone buy stuff in a chinese supermarket and then throwing up?
Posted by: TastyTurd | 09/07/2009 at 21:28
hahaha solide mec, respect moi j'aurai pas pu m'infliger ça
Posted by: rema | 09/07/2009 at 21:36
THE FRENCH ARE ASSHOLES. AND REEK OF SHIT. THAT GOES FOR FRENCH CANADIANS AS WELL.
Posted by: SUPERRAPIST | 09/07/2009 at 21:59
I love that he feels so special about not liking cheese but he uses red wine to swallow it.. ;) very french!
Posted by: vanessa | 09/07/2009 at 23:24
He should have had cheese made from human breastmilks.... That would have given him a super badass facial expression....
Posted by: SeanFuckingMay | 10/07/2009 at 08:24
me and julien agree on all terms about cheese.
i only like mozzarella and american.
maybe swiss, but that's only if im feeling adventurous.
Posted by: anonymous | 10/07/2009 at 16:53
Has anyone here ever had blue cheese sliders? Some cheeses just need a little meat to do right by you...
Posted by: EATER | 10/07/2009 at 17:04
French cheeses taste like poopoo!
Posted by: poopoo | 10/07/2009 at 22:54
His expression in these is priceless. But c'mon, how the fuck can a frenchman not eat cheese? Isnt that standard protocol for you people? He must have been living in a McDonalds or something
Posted by: Ted | 11/07/2009 at 05:31
I'm sorry, but i've never agreed with an article as strongly as this. thank you.
Posted by: Arthur Tress | 12/07/2009 at 10:12
i don't understand what his being a 'hipster' or what the fuck ever, has to do with his volatile reaction to cheeses.
just appreciate the ridiculous expressions he's making and move on. jesus fuck. so many opinionated fucks here.
Posted by: daggermouth | 12/07/2009 at 21:28
What a bitch. Obviously if you go into it with such idle bias you're not going to like it, and even if he manned up and tried it and just plain didn't like it he doesn't have to make faces and spit it out like a bitch. A first impression of cheese would make for a good article; maybe even a poetic one! It's like when a small child won't try some food and then spits it out even if they don't find it that bad, to prove that they're right about the nature of the subjective matter.
Posted by: 6669 | 13/07/2009 at 02:22
J'aime que le fromage fondu des paninis, burgers, et pizzas. TU N'ES PAS SEUL
(à l'exception près que je rattache cette tirophobie - il y a même un mot pour ça - à une cantinière m'ayant forcée à ingurgiter la matière nauséabonde)
Posted by: Julie | 13/07/2009 at 16:31
A good story
GK Chesterton: “The poets have been mysteriously silent on the subject of cheese.”
Voila: www.tastingtoeternity.com. This book is a poetic view of 30 of the best loved French cheeses with an additional two odes to cheese. Recipes, wine pairing, three short stories and an educational section complete the book.
From a hectic life in New York City to the peace and glories of the French countryside lead me to be the co-founder of www.fromages.com. Ten years later with the words of Pierre Androuet hammering on my brain:
“Cheese is the soul of the soil. It is the purest and most romantic link between humans and the earth.”
I took pen and paper; many reams later with the midnight oil burning Tasting to Eternity was born and self published.
I believe cheese and wine lovers should be told about this publication.
Enjoy.
Posted by: david Nutt | 24/10/2009 at 20:45
Are you sure it wasn't just a reaction to nutrition? You look manorexic.
Posted by: Moo | 20/11/2009 at 12:42