AMSTERDAM - THE GLOWIEST PLACE IN TOWN

Meet Nick Paladino, a Hendrix-obsessed American who drained an Amsterdam basement all by himself in order to create Electric Lady Land, a museum where everything but Nick is fluorescent--although we haven't seen him in the nude. Mieke Lindeman traveled to the museum for further inspection. Here's what she came home with.

LONDON - DAVID HOCKNEY'S ROMANTIC BREAKDOWN

Jack Hazan gave David Hockney a breakdown by making a film called A Bigger Splash about him. Simple as that. David didn’t know the cameras were rolling when he showered naked and cuddled Jack into the night, missing his German lover while thinking of tanned, lithe bodies slipping like serpents in the swimming pools of his paintings. He didn’t know. Or at least that’s what he said in the aftermath, pleading ignorance when presented with Jack’s film, a cinematic exploration of Hockney’s formative years.

MEET THE NIERATKOS - SEÑOR SCHNITZEL

Dear Vice readers, I am on paid paternity leave, helping my son milk my wife’s breasts. To ease you into the awesomeness that is my drawering for an Etnies ad in next month’s 15th anniversary issue of Vice, I present to you my world-famous, half-Mexican/half-German time-travelling detective, Senor Schnitzel, as seen on my Canadian friend’s website, King Shit.  

SWEDEN - THESE THINGS JUST DON'T HAPPEN, EXCEPT FOR WHEN THEY DO

Whenever a criminal act takes place in Sweden our whole society gasps for air and says, "Things like this just do not happen in Sweden." Suck on it Svensson: IT DOES. Recently we learned that Sweden has the most rapes per capita in Europe, which sounds totally unbelievable for such a calm and peace loving nation. Why is there a picture of a helicopter attached to this story? Everything's all crazy now!

LONDON - WHAT YOU MISSED THIS LAST WEEK

London’s Fashion Week wrapped up today and our fellow staff in the UK have been covering it since it started. It's more exciting over there because people actually give a shit and dress up like lunatics, rather than schlumping out in ripped tights and loafers that are falling apart, and then whining about how tiring the whole thing is. Check up on what you missed: Vivienne Westwood’s adoration for ethnic models and Amish hats , Topshop’s collection for normal people, puppets with towering boners, women with hair all over their faces, and cool hunting with stolen goods from Henry Holland’s pile of trash. You'll find all the rest of it here.

BERLIN - YOU CANT DRINK HAPPINESS, SO STICK IT UP YOUR ASS!

It was by chance that we stumbled across a rumor of Colombian kids following a silly new trend. When they’re not in school they’re shoving vodka-drenched tampons up their buttholes. We have no idea how they came up with this horrific plan in the first place or why anyone should ever want to do this, but the teenagers in Colombia insist on its effectiveness. The alcohol shoots straight into your bloodstream and gives you an instant high, and supposedly this method protects you from smelling like a drunk. Here is Berlin intern Kolja and he shoved this rumor. Up his ass.

LOS ANGELES - WERNER HERZOG'S SCHOOL UNVEILED!

Rutger Hauer isn't the only one with a fancy film school. If you read our Film Issue interview with Werner Herzog, you might remember his teaser. He refused to reveal the name, stating that it was so good he had to trademark it first lest somebody swipe it from him. Well, we're happy to announce that Werner has announced that his Rogue Film School is open for business. It is not for bespectacled, beret-wearing sycophants who dress in black, as anyone familiar with the man's work might surmise. Instead it's for "those who have travelled on foot, who have worked as bouncers in sex clubs or wardens in a lunatic asylum, for those who are willing to learn about lock-picking or forging shooting permits in countries not favoring their projects."

NETHERLANDS - RUTGER HAUER THINKS HE TWIRLS TOO MUCH

You know who Rutger Hauer is. He's a badass. He's played in over 100 movies, and here's a list of our favourites: Blind Fury, Wedlock, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Confessions of a Dangerous Mind, Sin City and Blade Runner. That's right, Blade fucking Runner. Luckily for film as a genre, Rutger's now spreading his awesomeness around by giving yearly master classes for groups of professionals and students of film at the same time. They're held in the city of Rotterdam, in Rutger's home country the Netherlands. If you're one of the Chosen Ones to attend, you'll not only make a short movie under Rutger Hauer's tutelage, you'll also be given lectures by people like Paul Verhoeven and Roberto Rodriguez, and in the past, Chris Nolan as well. All right, enough name dropping, here's the interview. 

JAPAN - THE RELUCTANT NORTH KOREAN FILM STAR

On January 4th, 1965, a confused young sergeant in the US military named Charles Jenkins drank ten beers before setting off on his nightly patrol duty along the demilitarized zone between North and South Korea, where he had been serving for the past year. Having previously been shuffled back and forth between South Korea and US outposts across Europe, he feared his next deployment would be in war-torn Vietnam. Replaying in his mind the horror stories he’d heard of the battles going on in south-east Asia and afraid of dying in the jungle, in his boozy haze he made a snap decision. Drunkenly he stumbled over the border into North Korea with his hands in the air, giving himself up to his communist enemies. He would remain there for 40 years before escaping.

NEW YORK - A MIX FOR PEACE

As everyone knows, President Obama met with Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu and Palestinian President Mahmoud Abbas in New York today. On the table for discussion: the necessity for the immediate start of peace talks between Jon and Kate. Just kidding--Obama met with the leaders in the hopes that long-stalled peace negotiations between the two countries can be resumed. Obvs. To mark the occasion (and to promote their monthlong North American tour), our friends in everyone's favorite Israeli garage-rock band, Monotonix, (read an interview here, whydontcha) sent us a sweetly trippy mix of their favorite Israeli songs.