CANBERRA - PARLIAMENT HOUSE GETS A MASS EXORCISM

Very, very, very strange things were afoot in Australia's capital city this weekend. Allow us to set the scene... A few weeks ago, we saw photos of a blood stained pillar on the top of a hill overlooking Parliament House and heard associated rumours of satanic rituals and animal sacrifices being performed by members of what is apparently a large Wiccan population there. It turns out that national Christian organisation, Catch the Fire Ministries, heard about it also and took this as further evidence to support their belief that Satan is at work in and around our policy-determining hub. In order to combat this evil, they organised a mass "prayer offensive" at the site with the triple-barreled intention of 1. reversing any spells cast by the witches, 2. hopefully changing politicians minds about things they disagree with such as abortion and gay people and 3. sending out good vibes to ensure a bushfire-victim free summer. Really, what on earth could go wrong?

BERLIN - THE TOILET SIGNS OF PRAGUE

What do you do when visiting Prague fort he first time? Sightseeing for sure. It is a beautiful city, exuding culture from every corner of its picturesque alleys, reminding you of Kafka all the time, really challenging you with with the miserable touristic cattle run on Kalsbridge. Like the tourist that you are you drag yourself with the other idiots through the city, and like all the other tourists you are confronted with just one question: Where the hell can I have a piss? Well, Praque has the highest public toilet concentration in the whole wide world. Subjectively.

NEW YORK - BOMBS AT THE BAR

After visiting Mallorca on holiday with her parents as a kid, my dad’s cousin packed her goodies and went on her own back in 1983. She was 19 and had promised her old man to check in with the local beach bar owner Julio when she arrived. They knew him from their previous vacations there. And boy did she check in, because she’s been there ever since.

NEW YORK - RIVER RUMBLE

As Vice’s new self-proclaimed sports correspondent I knew it was my duty to cover the amateur boxing match of the century Thursday night. Let me tell you, it isn’t easy knowing next to nothing about sports and being a sports correspondent but I throw caution into the wind and do it anyways. I have chutzpah to spare. Truthfully, when one of the coaches threw water on his boxer and some hit my camera I squealed like a piglet that’s been stepped on and almost fell off my chair. I will not ruin my camera for sports!

NEW YORK - WHITE HOT IN MALTA

I am a white person, nearly even "albino." My mom told me I was "alabaster" as a kid, and for self-image reasons I’m rolling with that. So when my family decided to leave Australia and move to Malta–the mecca for all things brown–it came as quite a shock. Although I'd like to resist the notion that I am now randomly and technically a Maltese resident, I had to give in recently and embrace my new home. 

BERLIN - A DAY IN THE LIFE OF EUROPE’S BIGGEST SUBSIDIZED THEME PARK

Euro white trash beats US white trash any day of the week. When the former group holidays, they go to Tropical Islands on the German/Polish border--an indoor holiday resort subsidized by the European Union so poor people can afford to get out of town. This is a tale about 24 hours in this sultry land.

PARIS - GETTING TO KNOW FRANCE

I've been in Paris--"studying abroad," if you will--for the past four weeks. Last weekend I decided it was time to leave the city and see what else France has to offer. I took a train with some friends to the South, where I was exposed to tourist spots that aren't the Louvre or the Eiffel Tower. We started our journey in Tours, where we went on a tour. A tour of Tours. That is American humor. Do you like it?

NEW YORK - CRISIS AVERTED

On Friday my buddy was like, "Want to split a 60 from the jar guy?" I was like TOTALLY! You see, the jar guy is not for the masses and a close connection is required to obtain his services. The other option is the overpriced baggie of some powder that resembles cocaine but would more likely test positive for drano and baking powder. I even had an empty jar from weeks earlier sitting around for such an occasion, so splitting it up would be a breeze... unless disaster struck.

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If you’ve ever ended up at their studio at 4am after a long night of drinking, you’ll understand what we mean when we say that Tin&Ed are like a charity organisation for homeless parties. Hardly a weekend goes by without the creative duo opening up their place of work to revelers after some house party got closed down by the cops. It makes you wonder where they find the time to be the amazing designers that they are. They’re work is crafty, playful, lively and international all at the same time. Seriously, we love their shit.
Starting this Thursday, the Jacky Winter Group presents A Relative Distance, Tin & Ed’s first solo exhibition ever. Part of the Melbourne Fashion Week Cultural Program, the show will feature photographs of incredible outfits designed workshop-style by them and a bunch of their beautiful friends, who also modeled the creations. By the way, Tin & Ed will also be appearing in the upcoming fashion issue of Vice Magazine. Basically, they dressed each other in crazy shit from Savers for an entire week. Kudos guys. That took balls.

A RELATIVE DISTANCE - A NEW WORK BY TIN&ED
Thursday 5 March to Saturday 28 March
Lamington Drive @ The Compound Interest Centre for Applied Arts
89 George Street, Near the corner of Gertrude
Fitzroy, Victoria

All right, now that the new guys have been sworn in, it's time to get down to business and discuss what's next for America. Some guy in Utah released lip balm in honor of this momentous occasion, Obalma Red White and Blueberry and the very catchy Joe Biden Ham and Cheese. The latter is utterly foul. Who the hell wants to walk around with their mouth smelling like a Croque Monsieur? I'll tell you who: my dog. I left it in my bag and she chose the tube of wax over real, actual food. And then she squirted it out in a nasty brown pile on the rug. So what omen does this pose for America? That Biden is clearly the savory choice for VP? Even a little bit of him will give us the shits? I could use some insight right about now.

MELBOURNE - TIN&ED GO SOLO

If you’ve ever ended up at their studio at 4am after a long night of drinking, you’ll understand what we mean when we say that Tin&Ed are like a charity organisation for homeless parties. Hardly a weekend goes by without the creative duo opening up their place of work to revelers after some house party got closed down by the cops. It makes you wonder where they find the time to be the amazing designers that they are. They’re work is crafty, playful, lively and international all at the same time. Seriously, we love their shit.
Starting this Thursday, the Jacky Winter Group presents A Relative Distance, Tin & Ed’s first solo exhibition ever. Part of the Melbourne Fashion Week Cultural Program, the show will feature photographs of incredible outfits designed workshop-style by them and a bunch of their beautiful friends, who also modeled the creations. By the way, Tin & Ed will also be appearing in the upcoming fashion issue of Vice Magazine. Basically, they dressed each other in crazy shit from Savers for an entire week. Kudos guys. That took balls.

A RELATIVE DISTANCE - A NEW WORK BY TIN&ED
Thursday 5 March to Saturday 28 March
Lamington Drive @ The Compound Interest Centre for Applied Arts
89 George Street, Near the corner of Gertrude
Fitzroy, Victoria

NEW YORK - FIRST OMEN OF THE NEW PRESIDENCY

All right, now that the new guys have been sworn in, it's time to get down to business and discuss what's next for America. Some guy in Utah released lip balm in honor of this momentous occasion, Obalma Red White and Blueberry and the very catchy Joe Biden Ham and Cheese. The latter is utterly foul. Who the hell wants to walk around with their mouth smelling like a Croque Monsieur? I'll tell you who: my dog. I left it in my bag and she chose the tube of wax over real, actual food. And then she squirted it out in a nasty brown pile on the rug. So what omen does this pose for America? That Biden is clearly the savory choice for VP? Even a little bit of him will give us the shits? I could use some insight right about now.