LONDON - THE BABIES OF SPY TECH ARE ALL GROWED UP

Information is power. Money is biscuits. Sausages are members of the French aristocracy. One of these statements is timelessly true. And about to get even truer as cheap, hi-tech surveillance comes ever closer to home.

MELBOURNE - FUCK 2AM

Since the government started fucking with our freedom by bringing in the smoking ban it's been hard enough to go out and enjoy yourself on a cold Melbourne night. Now the jerks are trying to tighten the reigns even further with the proposed 2am lock out. This means that venues cannot allow anyone to enter their premises between 2am and 7am. Anyone who leaves during that time can't come back in. We say FUCK THAT! The government's logic is that the lockout will decrease street violence but to most people it seems pretty obvious that locking people out of venues will do the opposite. Having large numbers of drunk people who want another drink and some fun but have nowhere to go will not reduce violence (which, according to the Age, is on the decline in the city anyway) but increase it. It's not that hard to realise that the only place that will benefit from a law this stupid is Hungry Jacks.

POLL - HOW DO YOU PREVENT PREMATURE EJACULATION?

Did you see our street poll about the best ways to prevent premature ejaculation? Every guy's got a game plan. We thought we'd open up this scientific survey to you fellas. How do you keep your spunk in the cum gun? Answers here.

MONTREAL—PEDDY PARTY!

Congratulations, Montreal. You are officially the number one Canadian destination for the pedophile vacationer. Thanks to Puellela.com—“a celebration of the splendor of little girls”—and their glowing review (AAAAA) of the upcoming La Fête des enfants de Montréal, it seems that you will be welcoming busloads of middle-aged balding short eyes who just couldn’t wait for the next generation of “Les Filles du Roi” to attain that perfectly legal courting age—7. Uh, 11. Wait a second … 15?

POLITICALLY INCORRECT INK

Since we published that DON'T featuring the guy with a Hitler tattoo, we keep spotting politically incorrect ink. First there was the psychopath with a face full of hate tats and an Adolf chest piece. And now there's this guy with a portrait of Osama on his leg.
PS: This one is even worse.

NEW YORK - TURNING REBELLION INTO BLAH BLAH BLAH...

We honestly don't know which is better, the fact that some guy at Doc Martens decided to photoshop Joe Strummer, Sid Vicious, Joey Ramone, and Kurt Cofuckingbain into angels wearing 12-hole boots and a whole company's worth of other guys were like, "that idea's amazing," or the sputtering rage this guy's little brainchild has produced in the world of internet commenting. It's like marketing has become your friend's big brother who'd always go "This Sowksy chick is pretty hot," just to make him flip out and scream "Her name is SIOUXSIE, Caleb. SIOUX-SIE!"

DEBATE - 300

If you love watching brutal violence and don't care if it looks like a computer-game trailer starring people who've had plastic surgery, your eyes will slap you high-five if you take them to see 300. The film is based on Frank Miller's retelling of the classic myth where 300 muscleheaded Spartans fight a one-million-strong army of Persian pansies. Like in Sin City, digitally-enhanced people and backdrops are mixed in with live action. But all the visual effects somehow dilute the on-screen carnage - graphic blood is less believable than fake blood used in real films. Do you agree? Watch the trailer after the jump.

DEBATE: BLADES OF GLORY

Some of us are pooping our pants over the trailer of the upcoming Will Ferrell comedy Blades of Glory, while other, more grumpy folks here of us are going, “Figure skating? Could they have picked a more tired, overdone, easier target to make fun of?” To which we counter: “Did ya see their hairdos?!” So what do you guys think? Anyone seen a test screening? Please follow the continue reading link below to view the trailer and weigh in on this extremely topical, um, topic.   

Germany - Swastikas Are Back, Kinda

Just when we were about to post here about a weekly news show that the NPD (Germany’s Right Wing Party) was launching on Youtube as a testing ground for the possible production of NPD TV, we are happy to find out that in this case democracy and freedom of speech have been compromised for the greater good of humanity and that Youtube has banned the channel from its site. On to the next Nazi-related problem in the Fatherland; an old punk Jürgen Kamm has been prosecuted and fined 3, 600 Euros for selling products with anti-Nazi-symbols through his company “Nix Gut”.