A FIST IN THE FACE OF GOD - FENRIZ PRESENTS... TRAPPED UNDER VICE VOL.I

Back when I started this weekly blog at the beginning of the year, I wanted to interview Darkthrone's Fenriz. The reasons are pretty obvious, but he declined, stating a rigorous interviewing schedule that had just finished. I was a little bummed out but we kept in contact and he would tip me off on so many bands I would never have heard of without his vast knowledge of music. Anyway, I then tried to get him to DJ to no avail. When I heard the Actual Pain mixtape I was naturally lost for words and asked him if there was any possibility he could do one for Vice. No problem, he said. He would love to. And here it is. Intro from the man himself (including all capitals) below.

MICKI AND HIS MINIONS

I have a fearful reaction when I hear the phrases "performance art" and "experimental theater." I've spent many a conversation about my school days trying to gloss over my theater background--I don't want to be outed. Not that I even earned that despicable title of Theater Person while in high school; I spent more time backstage listening to Tool with the techies than preening for my breakthrough appearance as a maid in A Tale of Two Cities. My brief career did, unfortunately, extend beyond school property. I starred as Alice in a community theater production of Through the Looking Glass. I remember pissing off my director when I buzzed off most of my hair immediately after getting cast. But it was one of those experimental productions, so we worked it in--I got to be a post-modern angsty Alice...and I shudder when I remember how in the opening scene they made me talk to a Tamagotchi instead of a kitty. Ah, late-90s technophilia.

MADRID - FAT SPIDERMAN'S AWESOME GUT

If the daily hundred-degree heat in Madrid this summer makes me crack and I decide to go on a killing spree, you can rest assured that it won't be primary school kids or heads of state that get shot up. No. The outlet of choice for my homicidal rage is those street performance artists who clog up anywhere you'll find a steady flow of tasteless morons who don't understand the value of currency that's not in notes (aka tourists).They are, quite simply, a plague. If Estonian prostitutes don't get paid just for standing on the street looking like a trolley dash in a Maybeline factory, then why should I give money to a gay cowboy painted silver with a duck whistle in his mouth? 

PARIS - WHAT WILL MAKE ME WANT TO KISS MYSELF?

Emailing ticket requests from Vice for the Paris fashion week menswear shows was never going to impress the snobbier Parisian press people. However, this was actually a blessing and meant I could just go to see the designers I really like. As anyone who's ever written reports of shows will know, they mostly involve waiting around for ages, getting really hot, being bored to death, hating yourself for really wanting a better seat and wondering how someone who has spent six years at fashion college has such bad taste. Then you have to lie and write that the shows were great anyway. 

LONDON - THE HORRORS' AMERICAN MIXTAPE

Back in March, The Horrors' Tom and Rhys, aka Spider and the Flies, made a pair of mixtapes for us called Up and Down. You all loved Up, but I think you were a little darked-out by Down. Since then, The Horrors brought out their amazing second record, and so they've been on tour in America, scuttling through record shops, buying out the vinyl history of a nation. To go with the story of the tour, Tom's made us a mix spanning the divine discoveries from Chicago to Albuquerque. Click through to read and listen to what travelling around America is like.  

MEET THE NIERATKOS - LOPSPITAL

It’s not all fun and games for my wife’s retarded Uncle Lonzie. Nope. Lonald has a very rare disease that only afflicts ogres and giants that make it difficult for him to rock out too hard or too often. He never had this problem before. It only started when he came down the beanstalk to get his goose back; he’s never been the same since. That’s why events like Beatles Cover Bands can’t be a regular occurrence. Lonzie gets too psyched and ends up in the Emergency Room.

NEW YORK - MAKE YOURSELF USEFUL TONIGHT FOR JON WILEY

If you are looking for something to do tonight besides getting shitty for no reason you might consider something more do-goodlier like attending this benefit for Jon Wiley. He had some scary shit happen to him a couple months back--short version, he went to bed one night and then woke up the next morning partially paralyzed with MS. Since he's a touring musician (aka has no insurance until Obama steps it up already), this is extra special fucked. A bunch of his pals such as Adam Green, Chairlift, Lightspeed Champion, and DJ Johnny Tropical are putting on a benefit for him to help with medical bills tonight at the Shank (more info with a click below). You aren't going to get health benefits staying in tonight but you could at least put on a facade of altruism to help out a neighbor. 

A FIST IN THE FACE OF GOD EXTRA - INTERVIEW WITH ZHEMA RODERO OF VULCANO

Back in March, when we were trying to get some stories together for the Brazil Issue, I thought a feature on Brazil's golden age of metal would make an interesting feature. I contacted every legendary 80s Brazilian black/death/thrash band I could think of, hoping to score some interviews. I got email addresses from the official sites, went through their official MySpaces, and even emailed a university in Belo Horizonte, as Sarcófago's Wagner Lamounier is a professor of economic science there. But it was all for shit. Either they didn't speak English, didn't get the email, thought I was a waste of time, or are just plain Brazilian and don't care about deadlines. One dark hero, Vulcano's Zhema Rodero, did finally respond though, and I got as far as sending him a list of questions (back in April), but he disappeared again and never replied. Until last night.

SCANDINAVIA - COOKING BLOOD

You know that warm, bubbly, oozing red stuff that squirts out of the slit throat of an animal while it dies a slow and painful death? Swedes make soups, puddings, and pancakes with it, and it’s totally legit. Fair enough that the practice of eating blood is held over from the days of starving peasants having to use every part of their recently-slaughtered animal, but—and running the risk of sounding like a backwards-ass Christian—where I grew up in Sacramento, California, and in most other places, the act of eating blood is looked upon as a total sin. To quote the bible, Genesis 9:3: “Everything that lives and moves will be food for you. Just as I gave you the green plants, I now give you everything. But you must not eat meat that has its lifeblood still in it.” In other words: it is FUCKING GROSS to pig out on blood.

NEW YORK - GO TO THE NEW YORK EYE AND EAR FESTIVAL

Todd Pendu has really long, perfectly straight hair that looks really, really soft—like, it would be nice to run your fingers through it, but not even in a sexual way. It just looks nice like that. He also looks like he’s about 20 years old, which is totally unfair because he’s actually 34 years old. Looks aside, Pendu is incredibly nice, undeniably chatty, and obviously has a lot of energy to burn. He’s the human responsible for booking, organizing, scheduling, and overseeing the NY Eye & Ear Festival—a four-day, three-venue, two-borough weirdathon that starts tonight and offers what many view as the only legit glimpse into the bubbling cauldron of NYC’s true underground music scene. The festival also includes a huge record fair and Women of NYCinema film screening. In addition to curating lots of freaky happenings and wonderful music, Pendu also runs the Pendu Organization—an entity that cultivates collaboration in all of the arts as well as “Dynamic Ecstatic Transcendentalism.” Dude is ambitious.